CREATE A CARTOON   LOAD A CARTOON Business • "WE'RE TRYING TO CUT BACK A LITTLE ON OFFICE EXPENSES" • "GOOD NEWS: PROFITS ARE UP. BAD NEWS: NOW WE CAN AFFORD TO LAY YOU OFF." • "OUR POLL RESULTS INDICATE THAT WE NEED TO TAKE MORE POLLS IN ORDER TO VERIFY THE ACCURACY OF OUR POLLS." • "THE JOB DESCRIPTION SAID 'RESOURCE PROCUREMENT' WHICH TRANSLATED TO GETTING THE COFFEE FOR MY BOSS" • "YOU KNOW SOMETIMES I REALLY NEED A SATURDAY TO BE ON A WEDNESDAY." • "CERTAINLY YOU CAN WAIT FOR HIM. HE'LL BE RIGHT OUT AFTER HE SERVES TWO MORE YEARS FOR EMBEZZLEMENT." • "YEAH, I KNOW--THEY SPELLED 'SUPREME COMMANDER OF THE UNIVERSE' WRONG." • "EVIDENTLY OUR CEO WANTS TO TURN THIS INTO A NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION." • "EVERY GOOD HAS A BETTER--UNFORTUNATELY EVERY BAD HAS A WORSE." • "A PENCIL WITHOUT AN ERASER IS ESSENTIALLY A PEN." • "THE PEOPLE WHO SAY 'GIVE 110 PERCENT' ARE JUST COVERING FOR THE FACT THAT THEY ONLY PLAN TO GIVE 70." • "MY JOB IS SO SECRET THAT EVEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS." • "IT'S EASY TO SMILE WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG AS LONG AS YOU HAVE SOMEONE IN MIND TO BLAME." Education • "CLASS, THIS IS YOUR NEW STATE OF THE ART SCIENCE LAB . . . UNFORTUNATELY WE HAVE NO CLUE HOW THIS STUFF WORKS." • "THE SCHOOL BUDGET FOR FIELD TRIPS WAS CUT SLIGHTLY THIS YEAR." • "FIFTEEN MINUTES IS SHORT WHEN IT'S RECESS, BUT A LONG TIME WHEN IT'S A TIME OUT." • "SOMEHOW MY TEACHER CAN ALWAYS TELL WHEN I'VE DONE MY HOMEWORK ON THE BUS." • "SURVIVAL RULE NUMBER 1 IS TO ALWAYS BE SURE TO HAVE SOMETHING IN YOUR LUNCHBOX THAT YOU CAN TRADE WITH." • "AFTER A GREAT DEAL OF RESEARCH I HAVE DEDUCED THAT THE SPEED OF TIME IS ONE SECOND PER SECOND." Entertainment • "PERHAPS I SHOULD BE READY TO JUMP WHEN THE ROPE SWINGS UNDER MY FEET." • "HE WHO LAUGHS LAST, THINKS SLOWEST." Environment • "WILL THAT BE TREE KILLING, ECO-DAMAGING, YOU'RE-SCUM-IF YOU-WANT-IT PAPER OR PLASTIC?" Food • "I ASKED THE WAITER FOR A STEAK 'WELL DONE' BUT HE SAID THE BEST THE COOK COULD MANAGE WAS MEDIOCRE" • "ALWAYS CHECK BETWEEN THE BREAD BEFORE YOU TRADE SANDWHICHES." • "IF YOU'RE GONNA DROP IT, ALWAYS TRY TO DROP IT JELLY SIDE UP." • "DOES CHOCOLATE MILK COME FROM BROWN COWS?" • "I ASKED THE WAITER FOR A STEAK 'WELL DONE' BUT HE SAID THE BEST THE COOK COULD MANAGE WAS MEDIOCRE" • "NEVER EAT FIVE DONUTS WHEN YOUR STOMACH ONLY HOLDS THREE." • "WHEN YOU HAVE A BAG OF COOKIES, IT'S HARDER TO SHARE A COOKIE AWAY WHEN YOU ONLY HAVE TWO LEFT." • "EVEN POPEYE WAITED UNTIL THE LAST POSSIBLE MINUTE TO EAT HIS SPINACH." • "WHEN IN DOUBT, ORDER A CHEESEBURGER." Friendship • "EVERY BLIZZARD BEGINS WITH A FEW FLAKES." • "WHY BUY ROSES WHEN WILDFLOWERS ARE FREE?" • "IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO BE VAGUE." • "THERE'S ONE IN EVERY CROWD . . . AND THEY ALWAYS FIND ME!" Health • "WHEN I WEIGHED MYSELF THIS MORNING THE READOUT SAID, 'TILT'!" • "WHOEVER SAID, 'THINKING ABOUT A SHOT IS WORSE THAN HAVING ONE' IS A BIG FAT LIAR!" • "PERHAPS I SHOULD BE READY TO JUMP WHEN THE ROPE SWINGS UNDER MY FEET." • "SHARING ISN'T ALWAYS THE RIGHT THING TO DO -- LIKE WHEN IT'S THE MEASLES." • "I'M SCITZOPHRENIC AND SO AM I." • "THE VOICES IN MY HEAD MAY NOT BE REAL, BUT THEY CERTAINLY HAVE SOME PRETTY GOOD IDEAS." Home Life • "WHEN I WEIGHED MYSELF THIS MORNING THE READOUT SAID, 'TILT'!" • "IF YOU WANT A PUPPY ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS START ASKING FOR A PONY." • "THE MORE YOU SHIVER WHEN YOU COME INSIDE, THE BIGGER THE CUP OF HOT CHOCOLATE." • "I LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON TODAY: IF YOU DRAW ON THE WALL, BE SURE AND DO IT BEHIND THE COUCH." • "THE ONLY WAY I CAN FIND MY CAR KEYS IS IF I TRY TO LOOK FOR MY CELL PHONE." • "A PENCIL WITHOUT AN ERASER IS ESSENTIALLY A PEN." • "KEEP THE EARTH CLEAN. IT'S NOT URANUS." Kids • "IF YOU WANT A PUPPY ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS START ASKING FOR A PONY." • "FIFTEEN MINUTES IS SHORT WHEN IT'S RECESS, BUT A LONG TIME WHEN IT'S A TIME OUT." • "ALWAYS CHECK BETWEEN THE BREAD BEFORE YOU TRADE SANDWHICHES." • "IF YOU'RE GONNA DROP IT, ALWAYS TRY TO DROP IT JELLY SIDE UP." • "THE MORE YOU SHIVER WHEN YOU COME INSIDE, THE BIGGER THE CUP OF HOT CHOCOLATE." • "SOMEHOW MY TEACHER CAN ALWAYS TELL WHEN I'VE DONE MY HOMEWORK ON THE BUS." • "NEVER SAY 'THE LAST ONE THERE IS A ROTTEN EGG' UNLESS THERE'S AT LEAST ONE KID WHO'S SLOWER THAN YOU." • "WHOEVER SAID, 'THINKING ABOUT A SHOT IS WORSE THAN HAVING ONE' IS A BIG FAT LIAR!" • "SURVIVAL RULE NUMBER 1 IS TO ALWAYS BE SURE TO HAVE SOMETHING IN YOUR LUNCHBOX THAT YOU CAN TRADE WITH." • "I LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON TODAY: IF YOU DRAW ON THE WALL, BE SURE AND DO IT BEHIND THE COUCH." • "DOES CHOCOLATE MILK COME FROM BROWN COWS?" • "USUALLY YOU DISCOVER YOU CAN RUN FASTER THAN YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD WHEN YOU'RE BEING CHASED BY A BEE." • "NEVER GIVE THE FASTEST KID IN SCHOOL A HEAD START." • "A PENNY SAVED IS NINE DOLLARS AND NINETY-NINE CENTS TOO LITTLE." • "WHY IS THE SCHOOLBUS ALWAYS ON TIME WHEN I'M LATE, BUT IT'S ALWAYS LATE WHEN I'M ON TIME?" • "WHEN YOU HAVE A BAG OF COOKIES, IT'S HARDER TO SHARE A COOKIE AWAY WHEN YOU ONLY HAVE TWO LEFT." • "IT USUALLY DOESN'T TAKE ME LONG TO FORGET AFTER I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON." • "EVEN POPEYE WAITED UNTIL THE LAST POSSIBLE MINUTE TO EAT HIS SPINACH." • "IF IT'S GONNA BE TWO AGAINST ONE, TRY TO MAKE SURE YOU ARE NOT THE ONE." Love • "MY WIFE NAGGED ME ABOUT MY LACK OF COMMUNICATION SKILLS AND THEN SHE GAVE THE SILENT TREATMENT." Marriage • "MY WIFE NAGGED ME ABOUT MY LACK OF COMMUNICATION SKILLS AND THEN SHE GAVE THE SILENT TREATMENT." Money • "WE'RE TRYING TO CUT BACK A LITTLE ON OFFICE EXPENSES" • "GOOD NEWS: PROFITS ARE UP. BAD NEWS: NOW WE CAN AFFORD TO LAY YOU OFF." • "MY TAX ACCOUNTANT TELLS ME I CAN'T AFFORD MY CURRENT SALARY." • "THE SCHOOL BUDGET FOR FIELD TRIPS WAS CUT SLIGHTLY THIS YEAR." • "A GOOD WRITER WRITES ABOUT WHAT HE KNOWS, SO I WROTE ABOUT BEING BALD AND PENNILESS." • "THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE DUTY-FREE" • "CERTAINLY YOU CAN WAIT FOR HIM. HE'LL BE RIGHT OUT AFTER HE SERVES TWO MORE YEARS FOR EMBEZZLEMENT." • "EVIDENTLY OUR CEO WANTS TO TURN THIS INTO A NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION." • "A PENNY SAVED IS NINE DOLLARS AND NINETY-NINE CENTS TOO LITTLE." Other • "SOMETHING TELLS ME WE'LL HAVE TO RETURN OUR 'KEEP RIGHT' SIGN." • "THE BAD NEWS IS THAT THERE'S NO GOOD NEWS. THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT THERE'S NO BAD NEWS." • "NOONE NOTICES WHEN YOUR ZIPPER IS UP, BUT EVERYBODY SEEMS TO NOTICE WHEN YOUR ZIPPER IS DOWN." • "YOU'RE ONLY BIG UNTIL SOMEONE BIGGER COMES ALONG." • "EVERY GOOD HAS A BETTER--UNFORTUNATELY EVERY BAD HAS A WORSE." • "A PENCIL WITHOUT AN ERASER IS ESSENTIALLY A PEN." • "I'M SCITZOPHRENIC AND SO AM I." • "THE VOICES IN MY HEAD MAY NOT BE REAL, BUT THEY CERTAINLY HAVE SOME PRETTY GOOD IDEAS." • "I HAVE AN MTV MIND IN A PBS WORLD." • "IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO BE VAGUE." • "BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER -- AND RELIEVE THEMSELVES ON YOUR CAR." Politically Correct • "WILL THAT BE TREE KILLING, ECO-DAMAGING, YOU'RE-SCUM-IF YOU-WANT-IT PAPER OR PLASTIC?" Politics • "OUR POLL RESULTS INDICATE THAT WE NEED TO TAKE MORE POLLS IN ORDER TO VERIFY THE ACCURACY OF OUR POLLS." • "FOR EVERY ACTION THERE IS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE CRITICISM." Science • "CLASS, THIS IS YOUR NEW STATE OF THE ART SCIENCE LAB . . . UNFORTUNATELY WE HAVE NO CLUE HOW THIS STUFF WORKS." • "HE'S STRICTLY AGAINST CLONING AND SO AM I" • "KEEP THE EARTH CLEAN. IT'S NOT URANUS." • "AFTER A GREAT DEAL OF RESEARCH I HAVE DEDUCED THAT THE SPEED OF TIME IS ONE SECOND PER SECOND." Shopping • "THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE DUTY-FREE" Social Commentary • "WILL THAT BE TREE KILLING, ECO-DAMAGING, YOU'RE-SCUM-IF YOU-WANT-IT PAPER OR PLASTIC?" • "I HAVE AN MTV MIND IN A PBS WORLD." • "I'M NOT ANTISOCIAL, I JUST HATE BEING WITH PEOPLE." Sports • "PERHAPS I SHOULD BE READY TO JUMP WHEN THE ROPE SWINGS UNDER MY FEET." Weather • "THE MORE YOU SHIVER WHEN YOU COME INSIDE, THE BIGGER THE CUP OF HOT CHOCOLATE." • "EVERY BLIZZARD BEGINS WITH A FEW FLAKES."

 
 
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